Leaving to LA

And I have no clean pants.....

Daniels Aufruf Speech

Shalom.

Birshus, Mrs Fay, Mr. Dave, I know Bubby Hannah would have loved to be here to hear me speak, you know she always loved me.

My name is Chaim. I am Daniels best friend.

I have a tradition for speaking at aufrufs. It’s a very simple format. You come up with the perfect movie that summarizes yours and the Chassons relationship. Compare them. Connect it to a Dvar Torah. Say a bracha that hopefully makes his mother cry. And call it a day.

Its normally not the easiest speech to write, especially nowadays that I am working full time, I get extra time, and am engaged (Mrs. Fay, registered at crate and barrel and bed bath and beyond.

So I went onto Google and just searched for “movie summaries” I was really going out on a limb. The third one I read was for toy story. This is how Toy Story was described “A toy named Woody has it all. He is practically the leader in Andy's toy room, Bo Peep has the hots for him, and most importantly, he is Andy's favorite toy. But when the clocks strike Andy's birthday, a new toy arrives. Buzz Light year, a space cadet who thinks he is a space ranger, (not a toy in a room) and instantly wins over Andy. Woody tries to kill him and an adventure in the real world ensues.”

Here I am, went to HALB my entire life and in my eyes it didn’t get much cooler than the short dorky kid from far rockaway who stopped watching power rangers two years after everyone else. In my eyes I was Woody, and it didn’t get much better than Woody. And then in third grade comes this kid from HAFTR and steals thunder. He freakin had shaky eyes. Why would anyone wanna hang out with the Cow Boy from Far Rockaway when you can hang out with the space cadet who had shaky eyes.

I had nothing left. I knew what I had to do. The same thing Woody did. I had to kill him.

Actually I had a suspicion he would try to pull a move like this. I started to plot against him when I think he was 5. It was erev tisha bav and Daniel was standing near the table with his mother so I spilled the coffee on him. He had to go to the hospital, fay had to mop the floor, but I was not successful.

So Daniel’s in HALB, 5^th grade, and we were playing suicide (sewer side). The ball goes all the way back and Daniel Volunteers to throw it. He winds up, throws it, and it doesn’t even go within a mile of the wall. Im not sure if everyone here knows how to play, but (explain the game). So he is running as fast as he can to hit the wall before he gets pegged and I see my perfect opportunity. I stick out my foot, trip him. Again I failed, hospital visit, stitches in his chin, still alive and kicking.

After 6^th grade I decide I need a break from this kid so I go to camp stone. After 7^th grade guess who follows me. So were dancing on our way from the Beit Kinneset to the Chador Ochel and he is on Harrison’s back. I jump out of the bushes, punch Harrison in the stomach, he drops Daniel, Daniel goes to the hospital. Nothing Happens.

Keep in mind I am skipping many minor injuries, doctor visits and hospital stays, these are just the highlights.

I think my second best attempt was when I hid behind the tree while you were ATVing. I think it was in 10^th grade, you got thrown off, and needed a cane. Who the heck needs a cane in 10^th grade. How the heck are you still alive.

Senior year I had one last shot.

I came up with the perfect plot.

I would take a seltzer bottle and slice his artery.

Rick came to the rescue.

Elie stood there without a clue.

Thanks Daniel for making it through.

Motzei shem Rah, MotzeiShem Rah, Motzei Shem Rah, COME ON KBY, Motzei SheiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimRah

Daniel is not the only one who wont die. It is brought down in the Gemara that Yaakov didn’t die. What does it mean that Yaakov didn’t die? The hafla and the Baal Shem Tov both bring down how Yaakov is the first of the Avos to be connected with Torah learning. Yaakov is described as an ish yoshev ohalim meaning that he would sit and learn torah. Even if Yaakov himself might have died in this weeks parsha, by way of his torah he was able to live on forever.

Baruch Hashem despite go kart accidents, alpine slides, numerous car crashes, (this list just goes on and on and on) Daniel is still with us.

Woody and Buzz Lighyear have their ups and their downs, but at the end they become best friends.

Daniel my Bracha, is that you should become a talmid chacham, build a bayis neman bi’yisrael and have a long happy marriage, to infinity and beyond.

Mazel Tov

Mommys starting to rebuild

After being wiped out by the flood (Side note: if you are ever going to meet machitanim and worried about conversation make sure to have a flood before hand. Its a great go to conversation) and the family suffering with fresh food were almost back to normal. Mommy made two new soups, a carrot soup (one might call it an orange soup) and a lentil sausage soup. Its good to see things coming back to normal.

Min were almost ready for you.

CG

Mah Hakeshew

Everytime EP says something cute RL shoots her down and says "mah hakesher" in the the thickest, rudest  accent (even thicker then the americans who are trying to sound israeli) so EP was just blabbing today and CP turns to me and say "mah hakeshewww"

I think my grilled veggies are getting overgrilled.
Batya

I got a supervisor

Today at work they decided I needed a supervisor. His name is David.

Having a blog w/ myself

Am I the only one who has extra time on her hands?

Ta's on a call....
Mommy's shmuzing w/ Sadia over steak.....
Mindy's at bloomingdales.....
Chaim is pretending to keep to the takanos....
Mikey is looking in the mirror.....

I guess I'll go and make some orange soup!
Good night from J'town.
Batya J

Mystery: RL started speaking Yiddish

Early this morning......
RL: ichub de mama a pocha (roughly)
BJ: Shafela, what did you say?
RL: Mommy do you want a potch in yiddish?
BJ: Shafela, we dont ask mommy is she wants a potch in any language
RL: So  say "nein"

This afternoon...
RL: Mommy i know how to count in yiddidh, ein, tzvein, three......
BJ: Shafela, who is teaching you how to talk yiddish?

Bedtime...
RL: Mommy, i know how to speak three safot

Is there s/t going on b/w RL and Yos?

Welcome Back Guys

Looking back on some old posts, please don't read mine.....thanks.

Even Milachim Make Mistakes

People I forgot to invite is at three, so far. To show my appreciation (and how sorry I am) I will write a quick bio of each one.

1. Jared Rosenfeld - My night seder Chavrusa for three years. I think he is the reason I am still religous and I am the reason he is not the Gadol Hador. Within a week of us breaking up (I broke up with him) he started wearing a davening jacket and birds burned up as they flew over his head. He is married to a girl from Jamaica Estates (forgot her name) and was compared to shrek when I spoke at his aufruf.

2. Elie Bashevkin - The few, the proud, the people who were actually friendly with me in high school. I think I might have spent more time with Elie one week of senior year than I have with Elisheva (first shoutout on the blog) during all our time dating. He is currently studying in Landers and a great catch.

3. Judah Plaut - My co-counselor in machaneh HASC and two years younger than me. Funny story: He was on and off dating with one of the counselors of the youngest boys bunk (youngest boys have girl counselors) We were only allowed to hang out with their campers if they were on and if they were off we had to ignore them completely.

Im sure there are more but that is all I can remember (and people who called me laughing that I forgot to invite them). Hardest part of being Domeh Li'melech is not being able collect horses anymore, really gonna miss that hobbie.

Until next time

CG out

PS - Welcom Back Everyone